the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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