Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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