Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
