There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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