Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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