Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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