You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
