i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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