Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
