By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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