Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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