The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
