Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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