Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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