Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
