Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
