Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
