i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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