I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
