Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
