so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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