so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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