did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
