I woke up to her vacumming the grass
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
