Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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