I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
