I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
