He uses pillows to masturbate.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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