Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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