Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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