I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
