Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
