Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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