You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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