so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
