he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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