I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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