Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
