You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
