She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
