I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
