We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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