nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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