I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
