and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Even my vagina gasped.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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