Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
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Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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