i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
