i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
