I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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