It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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