We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
