I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
