I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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