I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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