my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
