you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
