I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
