Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
