fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They have beer where we have blood.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
