on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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