I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
