i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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